How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize