Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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