how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
