you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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