He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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