I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
