I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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