His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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