i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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