Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
a search helicopter?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize