When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
