His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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