Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Your tits are I can't wait for
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
