And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
