The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize