Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
