I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
