apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
