How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize