Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
