Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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