Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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