Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
