I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
