I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
