Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
