He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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