If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
