and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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