What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
