she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
