I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
