just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize