apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
