he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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