did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize