saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
