I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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