Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
