its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
