so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
