My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
