i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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