I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
