my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
