Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
