dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She bit a glass in half.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
