imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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