Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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