whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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