I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
