yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
