The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
