her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
