Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
