i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
