I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
