piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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