if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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