Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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