Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry hmmmmmmmph hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome

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(636): View more from Missouri

I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand

(816): View more from Missouri

team rage. no explanation necessary

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(563): View more from Iowa

For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

DOWN HORMONES. BACK.

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(207): View more from Maine

This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.

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(+49): View more from Germany

Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.

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