I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
