My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
