Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
smell my finger.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize