i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
