You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
