If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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