I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
