I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
