Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
