too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
