I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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