??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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