Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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